Are you a judge? By Kimberly Evans.

We are ALL in this together  

Perseverance - A guide to guilt free eating and mental wellness.

 

I originally wrote this last year.  

"Don't judge a book by it's cover." Most of us have heard that. Who actually practices it? When my son was small, because at school he struggled, and I did not want the teachers to judge him, or more importantly, judge me, as a "bad person" or him as a punk kid, I would not allow him to get a Mohawk hair style when he wanted one, until he had already established himself with the teachers as the nice boy he is.

 I taught him, at an early age, to prove himself to people by fitting in,  and waiting until he was accepted to express himself. WRONG message! That did not work anyway, because he has dyslexia, and teachers did not recognize it, so he was made to struggle anyway, despite all of his very best work, and his very best behavior. 

He is the most amazing person, and I, along with the teachers, did not build him up, the way I would have if I knew what I know now. Now, I build him up. 

I have always let both of my kids pick out their own clothes, and as long as they were weather appropriate, I never said what I thought. I at least did that. 

When my daughter was age 6, she wanted to be bald. I came up with all the reasons she could not be. Again, I was afraid of both her and I being judged. I came up with an idea called "Bald cutie for a cause", and I made brochures. I was going to raise money for a local dyslexia teaching center. 

The more I talked about  doing it for others, with my daughter, the less she wanted to do it. She wanted it for her. So, by age 7, at the end of second grade, I let her do it. In fact, I did it for her. I have great pictures of the day. It was actually Father's Day that year. She loved it!!!!

 I started learning how I feel about this judging people thing. Our family had many discussions about not judging others. I am actually fairly good at it, BUT because I am often insecure, I don't like it when people do it to me, or my family.

 But, they will anyway, so why should I care? I care sometimes, because I hear stories about "the state" coming in, and taking away children. People can get it into their heads that you are making a bad choice, because it is not a popular choice, and that can sadly sometimes cause a big problem. That is scary. 

So now, many years later, I let my kids express themselves. I am not saying I would allow piercings or tattoos or anything permanent at their ages, but to a large degree, they are allowed to be who they are. When someone I know said I am letting my kids do what ever they want, and causing them to be spoiled, I pointed out, being a dental hygienist, that if they asked me to have all their teeth pulled, I would not allow that. I safely allow them to express themselves. 

My daughter, who is now 11, just shaved half of her hair, and some say it causes her to look like a punk, and some say it is amazing. 

My daughter is amazing. My son is amazing. What they look like has nothing to do with that. Our bodies are our shells. All the pictures we take don't reflect who we are, only what we look like. What you think about when you look at a picture, which is always looking back at the past, is your reality, and your now. I love looking back at pictures of my childhood, and I tell the story I want to remember, and forget the stuff I don't. That way, my now is awesome. I hope my kids get to experience more of the awesome in their present life and don't have to change their story too much to make it happy.

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."- E. E. Cummings