Search This Blog

Follow by Email

Following via Email


Thursday, October 27, 2016

You won't see it coming. By Kimberly Evans.

Sometimes, when God works in mysterious ways, the ways seem completely devastatingly awful. And the reason we keep believing is simply because we want to see our truest loves again. 



I used to have hypochondria. I suffered for many years, and you can read all about it in my book, if you are interested. I feel it was justified, but I also hated it, and needed it to stop. I explain how I got it to stop. I thought it was completely gone. Events in the past three years have caused it to rear up. I would self diagnose this as PTSD. A doctor has diagnosed it as an anxiety disorder. I have excellent reasons for my anxiety, so I am not concerned that I have that diagnosis. I recently thought I was dying, again. I won't go into my long explanation of my health status, and luckily I have good doctors who don't panic when I do, but also don't ignore me, and are checking into things. I feel less like I am dying now. I have had to use many of the techniques I learned many years back. But below are a few thoughts that have come out of my fear. 


 I thought she would stay alive.
I had a friend.
She ate well. Very well. Extremely well. 
She exercised. She was a runner and an athlete.
She had very strong bonds with people. Most people describe her as one of a kind. 
She had the very best outlook on life. Her glass was always just, full. 
She had a job that she loved, and where people adored her. 
She had a young son that she loved fiercely, and who she fought so hard to stay alive for.
She wrote beautiful words, and shared her journey. 
She was stunning, and had a fashion sense to envy.
She had the best of care, and did all she was supposed to do.
She had the strongest faith I have ever seen. 

I thought she would stay alive. She was 45. Her death has made each day much more important. Even while she was sick, I learned the lesson to not take a day for granted. 

It all happened too fast

And then, there was another friend. A beautifully wonderful woman, whose life crossed with mine in small but increasing ways, but crossed in much larger ways with the first. This friend died quite suddenly. She had recently married, and she was new mom of her precious baby girl. She had a sister, and they shared a bond you hope your own children will share. She was a light, always with a smile and an easy laugh. Her death shook us all, and certainly those who loved her most. She did not even have time to say goodbye, once she got ill. It all happened too fast. It has left a permanent void for those who knew her. 




What people say:
When I talk about my fear of death, and more, my fear of leaving my daughter, many people say that I am too young. I know that is not true. 

That I am too healthy. My friends were healthy, until they weren't, and they did not get to live.

That I have good genes, and that my parents and older siblings are still alive. My two friends parents, and older siblings are still alive. 


And then, there is this, and it describes it far too well:


So now, I question why would I expect to live? Why not me? The answer is simple, and my friends would be proud to hear me say it. Life is in God's hands. All our lives are. There is no reason to fret or worry, (but despite this we may) when it is not up to us. We can do all things right, or all things wrong, and none of it makes much sense.

 It seems a moral obligation to take good mental and physical care of ourselves, so as not to burden one another. But for that to happen, we also need to love each other. 

This political cycle (Bam, politics! Ya can't get away from it right now.), is a perfect time to practice not judging each other. I know there are many conflicting views that are being shared, but the most important thing to remember is that we all want the world to be a better place. We don't agree on how to make that happen, but I can guarantee you that it has to start with us, not with who ever gets elected. We have to love each other, despite our differences. We are all in this together. Peace starts with us. 






Friday, November 13, 2015

Don't knock it till you try it. By Kimberly Evans.






This is only a very small start of a conversation. This is a bit jumbled up, and scattered, because it is a big issue. But it is an attempt to try to change how we think and behave. If you read this and sight back all the reasons it will never work, show me how you have tried first. Show me how you have added to the solution and have not given up. You certainly can’t expect to look around right now and see the change. It has not happened yet. We are the seeds, that can grow into big strong trees. It starts with us, and you can feel the positive change today, if you believe it is possible.

All of the horrors of the world can start to be healed, IF today, WE start to think and behave differently. Collectively. World peace is possible, and it starts with knowing it is, believing you have the power to help see it happen, and taking steps to make it happen. I am positive that we all have the power to see this happen. Absolutely certain. I have put together this seemingly long list of ideas that all blend together to showcase how easy it can be. Will it take work – yes, the most challenging kind of work you have done yet. But by far the most rewarding because you will be a part of the most exciting movement ever – peace on earth. It starts with you. Life is not a series of individual problems, but it sure can feel that way if we don’t focus on the big picture. For instance, here are some small, individual problems:

·       We are told that all politicians lie, but we must vote. We should instead be encouraged to go to town meetings. Kids should be allowed to go with parents, so they can learn how to get to know the people running in their town. The meetings should not be some formal stuffy occasion, but a gather and greet. Heck, maybe they are, I have never been. We should know what the issues are in own area, and feel connected to making positive change, or keeping the good stable.
·       The news is scary and depressing and yet we are told to keep up with current events. We should instead turn off the news and be peaceful to each other.
·       People are starving, and yet there is an abundance of food. So much food is thrown out daily.
·       People are homeless and yet there are empty houses with new ones being built daily. Same with buildings.
·       And on and on and on and on with individual real life problems, all with solutions.

We are taught to be nice, as children, but so many adults are unkind to each other. Parents, yes, they are human, and yes, they won’t be perfect, but they need to do much, much, much better, in general. Parents are the cause of the “kids these days”, not the kids. The kids just got here. When they were born, they were a blank canvas. Yes, they came with a disposition and an IQ, but that is about it.  Elementary kids hug and kiss each other. They are happy to see each other. They go to school with excitement. Teachers and parents watch as they become, us. They become us. They learn what we show them. In our houses, in our schools, and on the news. Parents need to talk to other parents much more. We need to go backwards in a way and connect with our neighbors. We need to get our kids back outside playing with each other.  We need to stop play dates and organized sports at a young age. We adults need to get to know each other, and be childlike in our approach to life. We need to laugh, be silly, have fun, and be happy to see each other. Smile at everyone you see. Be kind. Help each other.

Depression/anxiety. It is a wonder not every single child has it. Us adults make this world a very depressing and anxiety ridden place to be. We talk so negatively about so many things. Stress, pressure, the holidays, the bills, the people, OH, the awful people in this world. We vent, and complain, and back stab and argue and walk around tired and mopey. Or, we drink too much or shop too much or eat too much.

WE are not being good role models. We are often totally hypocritical and it is only going to change when we change it.

We need to stop complaining about Facebook. There are millions of amazing pages that are inspiring and insightful and interesting and funny. If you don’t like what you are seeing, you can control that. You get to choose what you see. We are not victims. We are free to decide. We need to teach the kids how to use Facebook in a very fun and creative way. If not Facebook, Instagram or twitter or snap chat, or whatever. None of it is bad, if we all teach our kids, by example, how to be nice.

If we do just what we are doing now, things will remain in this vicious cycle. We are born happy, we slowly become over whelmed and think life is hard. We may start to see that we could have done it differently but it seems too daunting, and then, we die. But, we can actually realize, that if we all, or mostly all, work together, we actually can make a very real, and powerful and positive change.

The big point is, we need to be united. We need to raise our families to be friends with all the other families. We don’t’ need to have the same view points, but we need to be respectful and kind. We need to all live as we did in kindergarten, in regards to our relationships. We need to teach our children to continue to love each other, and play together, and us adults are the only ones who can make the change. We can. We actually can. We could create a grass roots movement that comes up with a plan and goes around educating the younger generation how to do it better than it has been done. We can educate ourselves on how to break this cycle, and then teach others how to do it. It would all be volunteer and on our own time. No money needed, only time and passion to see a wonderful change. Or, as a small step in the right direction, just start only sharing positive things on Facebook. Share the message that you are going to be nice to everyone, from now on. Be the one who shares the positive messages – that have nothing to do with organized religion, and everything to do with inclusion and acceptance, and love. Stop yourself if you start to complain about your day, or your co-worker, or your neighbor, or anything. Tell yourself the stuff you tell your kids. Get very familiar with what being hypocritical is, and make it your daily mission to learn how not to do it. We were all kids once. We were all so happy and cute and loving. We still are!!! Kids are amazing, and we are amazing!!! People are not bad. This world is not filled with bad people. It may be filled with scared and confused people, but we are those people. WE are it!!

About being hypocritical:

About learning how not to be:

It's so easy to judge others or dish out advice you never plan to follow. The problem is, you're just showing others you're a hypocrite. Many people don't even realize they're being a hypocrite until someone points it out. The problem is, once you do know, how do you stop? With a little self-awareness, it's actually fairly easy to stop being a hypocrite.
1. STOP TALKING ABOUT OTHERS
Hypocrites are well known for bad mouthing others behind their backs. They pretend to be friends, but then talk about the person behind their back. Trust me, the other person will find out. Odds are, you'll end up losing the trust of everyone around you in the process. An easy to stop the hypocrite cycle is to simply stop saying bad things about people unless you're willing to say it to the person's face.
2. FOLLOW YOUR OWN ADVICE
Telling others what they should and shouldn't do is great as long as you're willing to take the same advice. Many hypocrites love giving out advice and it's often good advice too. The problem is, they rarely follow it themselves. Listen to your own words when talking to others. Could you benefit as well? Are you asking someone else to make a positive change? Consider doing the same thing so you serve as a good example to others.
3. STICK TO YOUR BELIEFS AND OPINIONS
It's fine to change your mind, but it's hypocritical to randomly change your beliefs and opinions to fit in with what others say or do. Many hypocrites tend to be very vocal about their opinions, but they never actually stand by those opinions. To them, it's more about politics than having real beliefs. Sit down and figure out what you believe in and stand by it no matter what others say.
4. DON'T JUDGE WITHOUT FACTS
How many of us watch a news story and immediately judge the people without any real facts? Hypocrites love to judge others and they don't really care whether all the facts are in or not. I struggle with this one sometimes as I tend to judge based on a first impression. However, how do I know what the other person is going through? It pays to reserve judgment until you know more about someone.
5. REMEMBER YOU'RE NOT PERFECT
While not all hypocrites think they're perfect, many do. They're ready to call out others on every mistake, but somehow they forget about all the mistakes they've made. Honestly, call a hypocrite out and watch how quickly they seem to have developed amnesia. Before you start condemning others, think about the skeletons in your own closet. No one is perfect and remembering that helps you stop being a hypocrite.
6. ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY
Odds are, you've seen classmates or co-workers who always place blame on others. They hardly get anything done, but by passing the blame on to someone else, they make themselves look better. Avoid being a hypocrite by taking responsibility for your own actions. You didn't study and failed a test? Don't point out that someone else did worse than you. Instead, accept you made a mistake and focus on doing better next time.
7. LEARN SOMETHING COMPLETELY NEW
Many hypocrites believe they're always smarter than everyone else. Sometimes it takes being in a situation where you know nothing to make you stop being a hypocrite. Try taking a class or learning a new skill from an expert. It's a humbling experience and makes you feel like a normal person. Do this regularly and you'll notice yourself becoming less of a hypocrite.
8. ASK FOR HELP
It's hard to stop doing something if you don't realize you're doing it. Ask your closest friends and family to point out when you're being hypocritical. It'll hurt at first, but you'll create strong bonds by doing it. Ask them what you did wrong and how you could do it differently. It'll take some time, but it does work. Only do this with people you truly trust to ensure you're being guided in the right direction.
9. STOP LYING
I have to admit that I'm a little jealous of major hypocrites. They're so incredibly creative when it comes to lying. They put so much conviction behind it. The idea, of course, is to always show themselves in the best light. However, others know you're lying. Avoid playing the hypocrite and just be honest. Even if it makes you look bad, others will appreciate the honesty.
We're all guilty of being hypocrites from time to time, but if it's a chronic problem, try paying attention to your actions. It is possible to change and you'll notice a vast improvement in your relationships as a result. Do your friends consider you to be a hypocrite?

Thursday, November 5, 2015

I will not turn to the darkside, I don't think. By Kimberly Evans.


 
Freethinkers


 Some of this will sound crazy, but is it? Who's to say?

So, is it a sign of my age? Does this happen to everyone? I remember thinking when I was younger, that many older people were cynical, and jaded and they thought the world was going to pot. But, is it? 

Oh no! I am starting to feel a bit on the edge here. I am a firm believer that world peace is possible, if we all believe that it is, and start acting like it is, and if we are just kind to each other. I believe in good. Don't let me lose you in the next paragraph. 

But now, all of a sudden, I also want to say FUCK YOU!, to all of the mean people who refuse to just be nice. To all the parents who keep raising kids to be mean to other kids. To all the parents who are mean to other parents. I want to scream and cry and tell them what I really feel about how closed minded and rigid thinking they are. I sometimes don't want to be nice. I want to fight back against the people who I kill with kindness, in the hopes that they may actually turn into kind people. WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I just want to fucking tell everyone who is not nice to fucking shut the fuck up and admit they are hurting inside in some way, and that that is why they are so hard. I want them to be BraveListen. I don't believe people are mean to other people because they want to be. I don't think people are bad. Really I don't, but I still sometimes just think there really is no hope, and that I am a complete idiot for trying to think the world can heal. It is sometimes so much work to catch more bee's with honey. Sometimes I just want all the bees to turn into butterflies.

I want to believe in what Eckhart Tolle talks about in The Power of Now, and A New Earth. I want to believe in what Don Miguel Ruiz talks about in The Four Agreements. I want to stop living within my feelings and Live Beyond my Feelings, like in the book by Joyce Meyer. I want us to understand that addiction, to everything is due to trauma - it may be as "small" as not being validated as a child, or as big as seeing a horrible crime, or being victim of a horrible crime. The personal perspective is what dictates the trauma. Your trauma may seem bigger to you than another persons, but to them, their trauma is as big as yours. ALL addiction stems from an unhealthy mind. I do believe in what I listened to in this podcast by Gabor Mate. He explains why addictions start, and how to prevent them. 

We have enough. Not only that, we have an abundance, of everything. We have more than enough food, and we have starving people. We have more than enough money, and we have poor. We have way too many houses, and buildings, and more are being built everyday.  I think that when I am finished with my house, someone else should just get it. No money exchanged. I think that I should be able to go in search of the kind of house I need. I think we ought to live more in what we need, and not in what we want. I think that we should raise our kids to do what they love, and learn to do it well, and share their talents with the world. I don't think pay should be based on, well, what ever it is based on now. I think we should all get the same, and we should be raised to give of ourselves what we are good at. I may be an excellent cook, I shall cook for people. You may be an excellent doctor, you shall fix people. Another person may be good at making people laugh, they will do that, etc....Find what we love and do it, because we love it. Some people will be naturally good at leading people, and doing it in a way that is fair to others, and they will lead.

I feel bad for my kids. I don't tell them that. Should I feel badly for them, or is this me getting old? I secretly wish them not to have children. Certainly not because I don't want them to know the joys of parenting, or because I don't want to be a grandmother. No, I fear for the kind of world this is. Moms should not have to work, or dads should not have to work. One parent should be able to stay home, if they choose to. We should not argue about religion, or politics or money, or sexuality etc.. We should all do what we learned in kindergarten. All I Really need to know, I Learned in Kindergarten.

I have a theory that if new parents all got together in a neighborhood, and decided to stop the madness, and let kids play outside again, that would be a huge step in creating a safer world. I think that if parents all decided to work together to introduce their kids, and show them how to be friends, and play together, we could go back to the times when kids played outside. Money would be saved because parents would not have to invest in organized, structured events for their kids. Kids could be kids again. Parents would know their neighbors, and moms or dads would be friends. Care could be swapped so that each parent had a night out. It really is just so easy, really. Really, I mean it! Easy. We would all just have to work together. 

I feel like our universe in one big Drama Triangle. You can read more about that here.
I feel like we are a toxic relationship, collectively repeating the pattern of abuse that has been played out over and over. Like the abused child that goes on to abuse, instead of learning that that hurts, and learning how to be a different, healthier adult. 

I think if would be helpful If all parents could talk to their kids about stuff like this, 10 truth bombs for middle schoolers, and this, being left out hurts, and this, funny and insightful advice for a dauther. Those are just the three I liked today. I do love social media for the content that can be shared, and the myths that can be shattered. I feel like that gives me hope. UNTIL, someone says something vitriolic and horrible, and then I feel like climbing under my covers and saying to hell with it all.   

Another thing is, you always hear the older people saying "kids these days", when I keep saying over and over and over, adults these days. I hear soooooo many adults blame today's problems on the kids, and I seriously for really real just don't get it!!!? How is anything their fault? They just got here. Even if they are 20, they are new, and they only got shown what we all showed them. They did not invent electronics. They did not go out and buy the TV, or the Ipod, or the Ipad, or the [insert device you want to complain about here]. It is in no way their fault. I keep hearing people say kids are getting away with more and more, and adults are making excuses for them. Maybe I am living with blinders on, or live a very sheltered life, which actually, perhaps I do, but I do see that kids learn respect by getting respect. They are taught respect by being respected. They will not learn respect by judging, biased people, who are raising them to follow in their footsteps, or who are breeding them to become something they want them to become. We should strive to be people who allow them to explore, and try, and discuss. We try to turn kids into adults way too soon. AND, what is so great about being an an adult? Us adults should be having a lot more fun too. Lighten up! Have fun with each other. Say hi to your neighbor. Talk about real things. Back to the kids, they are taught love by being loved. Not by being yelled at, but by being listened to, and encouraged. The older my kids get, the more and more myths I see being dispelled. Teenagers are not tough, unless you ignore what they need, and then they lose control of their emotions because their brains are still developing. Kids are not mean. I mean, they can be mean, but they are not mean. They are only acting as we have shown them, or not shown them how to act.

I suppose I could go on forever.

Brighten your day, smile at everyone you see today, and see how it makes you feel. Please, believe in world peace. Say nice things. Don't talk behind people's backs, unless it is to try to understand them better. You really can't walk in someone else's shoes and have it mean anything because you will still be on your feet. Each person's experience is unique. They smelled their own smells, and they felt their own sensations etc... Just be kind. The government is not going to fix our problems. The church is not going to fix our problems. We have to believe in ourselves enough to understand that only we will heal this world. 

If you care to read my book, you can check it out here.



Saturday, October 24, 2015

When a doughnut is healthier than an apple. By Kimberly Evans.




Now a days, when I think of healthy eating, I think of mental health, as much as physical health. For example, is an apple healthier than a doughnut? Not always. Actually, if you ask my dad, he would say both are equally unhealthy, but that is a whole different story... If I am in a new city that happens to sell the world's best, melt in your mouth, succulent doughnuts, and I am meeting a dear friend there for a catch up meeting, and I like doughnuts, I believe it is much healthier for me to eat a doughnut, or two, while I am there.

To deny myself of eating anything, has not ever proven to be healthy for me. I used to go on diets, and be strict with myself. If someone asked me out to eat, I would say no, because I could only eat what I had set out to eat. I knew I would binge if I went out to eat, and then I would feel guilty. It would spiral into a horrible event of guilt, mental pain, worry, shame, anger, sadness, frustration, and more feelings that are no fun to feel.

Things that have not worked consistently or long term for me:
  • Eating healthfully before I got to a party so I would not eat the delicious "unhealthy" food at the party. I often wound up feeling deprived in the end, and I would often go home and eat junk food to make up for the fact that I missed out on all the good "bad for you" food. 
  • Plenty of exercise. Exercise has always worked great for adding muscle, making me stronger, making my heart healthier, helping me to curb anxiety, but it never worked for me to help my eating issue.
  • Prepping my food ahead of time. This did not consistently work, because the first time I was too busy, or too sick, or too emotionally distraught by other real life events that occur, I would go back to just grabbing as I go, and the guilt of not prepping caused me to eat more and feel out of balance. 
  •  Discipline in following a strict diet plan that I disliked. On that note, it is funny how life takes you in directions. I started this blog update yesterday, and today, my husband asked, "Do you ever wake up with this song in your head?" and he started playing Rainy Days and Mondays, by The Carpenters. That got me thinking of Karen Carpenter, and how she died. I LOVED their music as a kid, and I was old enough when  she died, to feel connected to her death, due to my own issues with food. Here is a clip from their website.
    it was during this time that Karen saw a doctor about her weight. From her early years she had been chubby and by seventeen and weighing 145 pounds (too much for her height of five feet, four inches), she felt she had endured it long enough. The Stillman diet was prescribed in which Karen had to drink 8 glasses of water daily, avoid all fatty foods, and take some vitamins.
    She hated the diet but adopted it rigidly. Meeting Richard and John after their performances at Disneyland, Karen would go on with them to rehearsals. Following these, the group went to Coco’s coffee shop for milk shakes, onion rings, and burgers – food she normally ate voraciously. But she did not sway from her task and lost twenty-five pounds during these six months in 1967 – and stayed at her new weight of around 120 pounds from then until 1973.
  • I identify with this. I have been on so many diets over the years, and I was faithful to them. I lost weight because I followed each diet to a T, despite hating it. 

     
  • Drinking a lot of water. I have been the water queen in my life time. Picture me in a tiara...Wait, you don't know what I look like, picture YOU in a tiara. Drinking water kept me hydrated, and I am sure I am better off for that. I still drink plenty of water, but not because it helps me eat better. 


 Things that have helped me consistently and long term (past almost 2 1/2 years)

  • That is not a super quick bullet kind of thing. BUT, I will tell you that it is possible, despite me thinking it was not. I would not have believed it, until it actually happened for me. AND, my book is not necessarily a "do this and it will happen for you" type of book, but it is a book all about how I did have an eating issue, for 30 years,  and how I had depression and anxiety, and about how I undid all of that, and now live a happy and balanced life. It is my story, up until 2 years ago. My story continues, but the book ends when I was 43. Now, at 45, I love eating, and I eat all kinds of food that is "healthy". Sometimes my healthy food is the typical health food kind of thing, organic, etc... and sometimes my healthy is what is normally considered junk food. It all depends on the circumstances.
  • I self published my story, here it is. My hope, is to give hope that, it IS possible!!!


    Saturday, September 12, 2015

    Whine and brag your way to your fitness goals! By Kimberly Evans.


    Life can be hard. Fact! It can be emotionally exhausting, even when it is physically easy!! BUT, being physically fit is so important that I think it is crucial, vital, imperative, and of utmost importance that we all find a way to get, and STAY fit! It is the best gift we can give ourselves, and others. If we are physically fit, we won't be such a drain on our health care. It helps to maintain good blood pressure and cholesterol. If vanity is your thing, and it is for katrillions of people, lets be honest, being fit indeed helps us  look better too. So, even if you are dealing with the worst that life can throw at you, one of the most empowering things you can do it get selfish enough to make, reach, and maintain a fitness goal.




    Tricks to reach and maintain your fitness goals
    1. Tell every one what your goals are. 
    2. Find one or two, or 100 people that you can whine to about this, daily, if needed. You can join or create your own support group. I have found Facebook a great place for being in support groups. They are free. I created my own. It is private and it has a small list of rules. There, I vent about how hard it is to keep going, but I champion myself for doing it anyway. I ask how my friends are doing. I get inspiration from their stories. We share recipes and work outs, and we discuss the importance of relaxation. We share our struggles. 
    3. Keep telling yourself how awesome you are. No matter how little you are doing, compare yourself only to those that are doing less. Be your biggest cheerleader. Make sure your internal dialog is what you would tell your best friend. Use encouraging words. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Be your best friend.
    4. Work within YOUR limits. Be sure not to work under your limits, and equally important, not to work over them. If you are mentally exhausted, from life's real challenges, still do something. An iota of effort can make a gargantuan improvement in your mental state. Don't think of this effort as more to stress about. Shift your thoughts to understand that physical activity is a release. Something you do have control over. 
    5.  If you have been the person that has said for years, over and over and over and over..., that you are finally gonna do it, and this time you are serious, PLEASE, do yourself the very best  favor and actually do it! Or, stop saying it. Be honest with yourself! BUT don't give up.....